The Colours That Appear When You Hold Pointed Corners To The Light
I wanted to be alone in her company.
I fell into the parts I hated in his
I hesitated every time I kissed her
I kissed him effortlessly
When I felt strong I didnt call him
When I loved myself I called her
When she touched my leg I flinched
I hardly held her eyes
Every feeling was full of hesitation
Anxiety crept in and I naturally pushed her away
We were plagued by stagnant kisses
Ones asking us to kiss deeper
We don’t like new love
Even when it feels so much fuller
She was bewitching and beautiful
But she never had a chance because she was too new
And it’s so much easier to settle
To accept lukewarm love
So I kissed him for months full of dark blue nights and stars we never watched and stars that hardly shined.
And the moon never became full.
And when I fell asleep I felt comfortable.
But I didn’t fall in love.
And I over thought every touch of my fingertips. and I analysed every movement of her lips. and I saw pink clouds in the night sky.
And love became something I had to piece together.
And love became an aged wine and honest truth not lies of forever. and my heart beats too fast.
So I walk away.
but no love that’s easy is worth having.
Courages kisses and risks taken and professing love to the one who may not love you back.
At the risk of losing everything.
To see salmon pink stars in the night sky.
To when you fall asleep learn how to fly.
To have 50 kisses of hesitation before you know its heaven and fall in.
Its meant to be scary.
Staying with someone you don’t love fuck that’s easy.
He can confidently touch every part of your body.
and I’m terrified to.
But excited too.
And darling all the best love is worth waiting for.
I don’t need to love you forever but I can choose to.
Take your time.
Fall into that perfect night sky count the shades of acrylic paint on both our fingers. Count the clouds that sparkle in the rain. Learn to see rainbows again. Learn to choose the path for you. Learn that you are the painter and you can paint your sky blue. Not live in his shadow. You can choose to love the angel.
The road that isn’t easy
Like that sparkle in your eyes that I sometimes see shine
Before he dulled it
Let’s talk salt water. And fall in love in lavender bath water
And heat our bodies next to crimson fires
Let’s count fallen leaves and climb tall trees and fall in love together
To candle light
The stars will shine
As sunflowers grow towards the sun
And on mildew grass our guts will belly laugh
And love grew feathers and halos tonight
Gemma Rose is a young queer writer residing in Adelaide, currently coming to the conclusion of her degree in creative writing at Adelaide University. Gemma facilitates a community poetry event called ‘Tatenda’ to promote healing through story telling and connection in these uncertain times. In the last fringe festival she starred, produced and directed a show titled ‘slowly but surely’ with an entirely queer and female/non binary cast. She spends her free time with her dog, writing a poetry/prose life writing novel and volunteering for feminist radio station ‘pink rabbit’.