Shivani Preston

A letter for a friend

I miss you. I think about you every day you know. Why the fuck did you have to do that? Why did you leave? You left everyone behind. I wonder if you knew of the pain you would leave behind, would you have still done it?

I wish you were still here. I want to volunteer with you. I want to drink with you, dance with you, laugh with you, cry with you. But you are gone now. You are unreachable. Unattainable.

I hope that you are in a good place now. Somewhere where you can smile and be everything that you could possibly be. I wish you could see me now and see all of the amazing things that I’m doing. I wish you could see how much I’ve grown since you left.

I dream about you sometimes. You seem happy in my dreams. Peaceful even.

We planted a tree for you. It would have been your 28th birthday that day. I made your favourite cake. The chocolate banana cake that I used to bring into TAFE for you. I remember you tried to make it one time but you refused to let me try it because it wasn’t as good as mine. I guess I will never know …

Sometimes I just cry, thinking about the immense pain you must have been feeling. I cry for the other people who are hurting because you are gone. I cry for my beautiful friend. The sister I always wanted, who is no longer here. But you live on in my heart and in my memories. Every day I will strive to be more like you.

And maybe one day, at the end of the road, I will see you again.



Shivani is a young queer artist, writer and musician who lives in Adelaide and is studying arts at university. They are involved with many creative groups and projects, and they are a valued member of Adelaide’s queer community.